come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
