the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
