where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
