So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
NoShamevember. You game?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
