Umm I'm too high to move.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
