Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
