I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
