I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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