woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
