Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
