Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
