Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
