mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
