can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
