so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
