What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
