Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
