overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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