How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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