dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
