what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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