So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
