Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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