i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
