At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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