I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
