im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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