I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
