All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
