Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
