I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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