never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my shit smells like andre
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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