I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
