Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
