he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
