Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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