I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
