Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My feet surprised me
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