So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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