Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've blown a few things in my day
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
