just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
