I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
