I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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