I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
