It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
