i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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