LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
