It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
