Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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