Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
