I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
