This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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