So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
